Status And Honour Of Mother In Islam

In Islam, the status, honor, respect and esteem attached to motherhood is unparalleled. Noble Qur'an places the importance of kindness to parents as second only to worshipping Allah (SWT)

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, And that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, Say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they cherished me in childhood. (Noble Qur'an, 17:23-24)

One of the most convincing things about the religion Islam is the treatment of women in general and particular the high position and honor of mothers.

Noble Qur'an in several other places puts special emphasis on the mother's great role in giving birth and nursing: "And We have enjoined on man to be good to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to your parents." (Noble Qur'an, 31:14) 

"We have enjoined on the human being kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth." (Noble Qur'an, 46:15)

The very special place of mothers in Islam has been eloquently described by Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw): "Jannah lies at the feet of your mother's"

"A man asked Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw): 'Whom should I honor most?' Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) replied: 'Your mother'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) replied: 'Your mother'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) replied: 'Your mother!'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) replied: 'Your father'" (Bukhari and Muslim)

A person came to Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) and said: 'O' Prophet of Allah! I have committed every known evil act. Is there a chance that I may be forgiven?' Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) asked him: 'Are any of your parents still alive?' The man replied: 'My father.' He said to him: 'Go and be good and kind to him.' When he left, Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: 'If only his mother had been alive.'" (Biharul Anwar)

Among the few precepts of Islam which Muslims still faithfully observe to the present day is the considerate treatment of mothers. The honor that Muslim mothers receive from their sons and daughters is exemplary. The intensely warm relations between Muslim mothers and their children and the deep respect with which Muslim men approach their mothers usually amaze Westerners.

Famous companion of Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) or Sahabi-e-Rasool and a great scholar of Islam, Abdullah ibn Abbas (ra), considered kind treatment of one's mother to be the best deed for strengthening or rectifying one's relation with God Almighty. He said: I know of no other deed that brings people closer to Allah (SWT) than kind treatment and respect towards one's mother.

Imam Zayn al-Abidin (ra) used to treat his mother with so much kindness and love as seen in the following narration:

Once he was asked, "You are the most kind person to your mother, yet we have never seen you eating with her from a single dish/plate." Imam Zayn al-Abidin (ra) replied, "I fear that my hand would take what her eyes have already seen in the dish/plate and then I would be disobeying her."

In other words, he, Imam Zayn al-Abidin (ra)was so careful not to disobey his mother that he would even avoid eating out of the same plate as her; He thought that she would see a morsel and intend to take it, but before she did he might unknowingly take that same morsel and eat it. This is how careful he was to obey his mother in the most minute details.

All that has preceded above shows how the status of mothers and consequently that of women - is elevated to the highest position in Islam.

Polygamy Survival Guide - A Co-wife’s Experience

Focus on your relationship with your husband as a single entity, disconnected from his other marriage.

Polygamy is often seen as the end of a happy marriage, but it need not be that at all. Take it from me, I’m a happily married first wife and I’m friend with my co-wife, Masha’ Allah; in fact she’s sitting in the same room while I’m typing this. Polygamy can work if the husband and both or all wives go about it in the right way.

I have heard many horror stories about polygamy gone very wrong, and in all those cases, at least one person in the marriage was not following the Qur’an and Sunnah, usually the husband. Polygamy requires us to adhere to everything that Allah has taught us about marriage, and to follow the example of Muhammad and his wives.

This is the foundation upon which any marriage, monogamous or polygamous, is built, but with polygamy, it’s even more critical. Without this foundation, it isn’t going to succeed. While polygamy is frequently seen as benefiting the husband to the detriment of the wives, the reality is that it’s far more difficult for the husband. He has to not only fulfill the rights of both wives and support both families financially and emotionally, he has to juggle his time between them, settle any disputes and difficulties that arise, and all the while ensure that he’s being just and fair.

The penalty for him failing to treat his wives equally is being raised up on the day of Judgment with half

Read more: “Polygamy, Not My Problem”- A Muslim Woman Muslim Family and Polygamy (Special) Before You Marry Me, No-Polygamy Clause Needed Polygamy, A Woe Or a Blessing?

 his body paralyzed. The Qur’an strongly warns men that if they can’t be just between their wives, they are truly better off with only one. For men that take Islam seriously, polygamy is a huge and weighty responsibility and it’s an arduous task to get it right.

Meanwhile, each wife has no more responsibility than a monogamously married wife, and in some cases (e.g. where the wives choose to share accommodation) they can end up with a lot less responsibility than monogamous wives, as they share the running of the household and help each other out with the children.  

Sharing love

One of the biggest fears women have of polygamy comes from a misunderstanding about the nature of love. Love is seen as something finite which has to be shared between people, so if a man takes a second wife, it’s assumed that he must love his first wife less because of it. The truth is that love is infinite and does not need to be shared between people. Just as when a mother has a second child she still loves her first child as much as ever, when a man takes a second wife he still loves his first wife just as much.

Good Muslim men who choose polygamy do so because they truly want to love and protect two or more women. If he really didn’t love the first, divorcing her then remarrying is a much easier option for him both financially and emotionally than having two wives.  

Sharing time

Follow Family & Society on:

Facebook   Twitter

What you share in polygamy is your husband’s time. Whether spending less time with your husband is a goodthing or a bad thing depends on your outlook. Of course, it’s natural to want to spend plenty of time with people you love, but we also need time for ourselves.

On the days when he’s with his other wife, there is no benefit in sitting around missing him. Instead, treat it as a time for you, and a chance to enjoy things that married women find it hard to make time for.

On your nights with him, you have a husband to share your bed with; on the other nights you get the whole bed to yourself and can snuggle up with a good book and have some “me time”. Plan your evenings when you’re not with him to do things that you enjoy, so you look forward to your evenings without him as much as your evenings with him.  

Co-wife rivalry

Try not to see your co-wife as a rival. Instead, try to focus on strengthening your relationship with your husband. If you don’t feel secure in your relationship, then it’s only natural that you’d see the other wife as a threat. If you are sure of your relationship with your husband, then ask yourself why you feel threatened, and remind yourself of what you have.

If your husband is going to love you and stand by you no matter what, then what can she take from you? A useful piece of advice I heard from a brother is “the insecurity of the first wife is that the second wife is her replacement and he doesn’t love her any more. The insecurity of the second wife is that the first wife is his first love and he’ll never love her as much as he loves his first.” This reminds us that the other wife has her own doubts, and to see clearly what we have instead. Look at why your husband loves you and try not to dwell on what he may or may not feel about her.  

No love triangles in Islam

Focus on your relationship with your husband as a single entity, disconnected from his other marriage. Islamic polygamy is not a triangular relationship; his marriage with you and his marriage with your co-wife are two separate relationships. You are not obliged to have anything to do with your co-wife, but if the two of you choose to be friends, then that’s a third and discrete relationship. This means when you’re with him, the two of you need to act like the other wife doesn’t exist.

Enjoy your time with your husband and do all the same things a monogamous couple would do together. If you are friends with your co-wife, don’t discuss your husband when you’re together, and spend time with her when he’s not around. 

Tackling jealousy

Jealousy is best tackled by focusing on what you have. “Jealousy is when you count someone else’s blessings instead of your own,” (anon). If you feel jealous about anything, ask yourself if it’s over something that you really want, or whether you desire it simply because your co-wife has it. If it’s the latter, then try to forget about it and remind yourself that you don’t actually want it. If it’s something you really want, then focus on how you can get it for yourself because you would like it, not because she has it. If it’s the relationship you’re jealous of, concentrate on building your own relationship with your husband as though she’s not in the picture.

If you feel that he loves her more than you, then maybe he isn’t giving you enough attention or affection, and frame this as a problem in your own relationship that you need to talk to him about and resolve, rather than as a problem with your co-wife. These things won’t eliminate jealousy altogether, but they should minimize it. Remember that even ‘A’isha had times when she was jealous of Muhammad’s other wives, and even broke a plate because of it.  

When things go wrong

If your husband is not dividing up his time fairly, or not fulfilling your rights in Islam then he is the guilty party so don’t blame your co-wife for this. This applies whether it’s something minor or very serious. Speak to him about the problem and tell him how you feel.

If he’s a good husband, he’ll do something to rectify the situation. If he doesn’t and you’re having significant problems in your marriage because of it, then you need to go about dealing with it in the same way you would if you were monogamously married.

Marriages fail either because one partner is not fulfilling the rights of the other (or worse, abusing the other), or because the two partners are not compatible. This is the same in monogamy and polygamy. Relationships fail sometimes in spite of one or both partners putting in their best efforts, and that’s why divorce is halal.

Sometimes men try to fix a failing monogamous marriage by taking a second wife – in my opinion this is like trying to put out a fire in the living room by starting another fire in the kitchen. Other men want all the benefits of polygamy but refuse to accept any of the responsibility and end up treating their wives very badly. There are some situations where staying in a marriage is not in anyone’s best interests. If you find yourself in such a situation, then you do need to know when to call it a day.

An important thing to remember is not to blame polygamy itself for the marriage failure. The failure is due to incompatibility, or one partner systematically failing to fulfill their responsibilities to the other. Polygamy, when done according to the Qur’an and Sunnah can work and indeed be beneficial to the wives, and it’s my opinion that it doesn’t need to be feared.

We should fear Allah, and be good spouses to each other. We should remember to show our husbands our appreciation of them and all that they do for us, and they need to do the same for us. This is the key to a happy marriage, whether polygamous or monogamous. Insha Allah, by following the advice above, this happiness can be maintained in a polygamous marriage, despite the specific challenges this type of relationship may bring.

Cherish Your Wife the Prophet’s Way (10+ Hadiths)

In Islam, the relationship between husband and wife is a strong bond to be nurtured with kindness, love and mercy. It is so significant that Allah Almighty mentions it in the Qur’an as one of His great signs in the world:

{And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought} (Ar-Rum 30:21)

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is the role model for every Muslim in all aspects of life. When you read about the Prophet’s treatment of his wives, you will be amazed by the great level of care, gentleness, love and compassion he showed them. The following collection of hadiths highlight glimpses of his guidance in this regard:

She Deserves the BEST Treatment

Read Also: A Home Based on Love Love People to Get Allah's Love A Rumor That Shook Madinah The Prophet’s Wisdom in Dealing with His Wives P.1 The Prophet’s Wisdom in Dealing with His Wives P.2 Love People to Get Allah's Love The Beautiful Wives of the Prophet

1. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women.”(At-Tirmidhi and authenticated by Al-Albani)

2. Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"The best among you is the best towards his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." (Ibn Majah and authenticated by Al-Albani)

3. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said :

"A believer must not hate a believing woman (i.e., his wife); if he dislikes one of her traits he will be pleased with another." (Muslim)

4. `Abdullah ibn `Amr ibn Al-`As (May Allah be pleased with them) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"The world is but a (quick passing) enjoyment; and the best enjoyment of the world is (to have) a pious wife." (Muslim)

Express Your Love

Follow the Shari`ah Zone

5. Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was asked, 'O Messenger of Allah, which of the people is most beloved to you?'

He answered: "`A’ishah.”

He was asked, 'And among men?'

He said: 'Her father.' (Ibn Majah and authenticated by Al-Albani)

6. `A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “Never did I feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet except for Khadijah, although I have never seen her.”

She added, “When Allah's Messenger slaughtered a sheep, he said: Send it to the friends of Khadijah.”

One day `A'ishah mentioned Khadijah in a way that made the Prophet upset. He told `A’ishah, “I have been granted her love (by Allah)”.

Render Love into Deeds

7. `A’ishah  (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Messenger of Allah would give her a vessel to drink, when she was menstruating, then he would look for the spot where she had put her lips on and put his lips on the same spot. (An-Nasa’i and authenticated by Al-Albani)

8. Anas narrated that the Prophet had a Persian neighbor who was good in cooking soup. One day he prepared some soup and invited the Prophet to it. `A’ishah was present so the Prophet suggested to the neighbor that she should join them. The neighbor refused to include her in the invitation. The Prophet, therefore, declined the invitation.

The Persian repeated the exclusive invitation for the Prophet who, once again, declined the invitation.

In the third attempt, the Persian neighbor invited both the Prophet and his wife, `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her). Then, the Prophet accepted his invitation and went with `A’ishah to the man’s house. (Muslim)

9. Al-Aswad asked `A’ishah about what the Prophet used to do at home. She replied. "He used to serve his household but when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer." (Al-Bukhari)

Have Fun with Her

10. `A’ishah reported that she accompanied the Prophet in a travel when she was still slim. The Prophet told people to move forward and then he asked `A’ishah to race with him. They had a race and `A’ishah won.

In a later travel, when `A’ishah had forgotten the race and had already gained weight, the Prophet told her to race with him again. She declined, “How can I race with you while I am in such a condition?” The Prophet insisted and they did have a race. The Prophet won this time. He laughed then and said, “tit for tat”. (Authenticated by Al-Albani)

11. `A’isha reported:

It was the day of `Eid and some Ethiopians were playing with shields and spears. Either I requested Allah's Messenger or he himself asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then he let me stand behind him; my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, "Carry on, O Bani Arfida (i.e., Ethiopians)!" When I got tired, he asked me if that was enough. I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave. (Al-Bukhari)

Love that Transcends Time

12. Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that when something was brought to the Prophet, he would say, “Take it to so-and-so because she was a friend of Khadijah (his deceased wife)…” (Authenticated by Al-Albani)

13. `A’ishash (may Allah be pleased with her) reported:

Once, Halah bint Khuwailid (the sister of the Prophet’s first wife, Khadijah) sought permission to enter. The Prophet recognized and recalled the manner of Khadijah when she sought permission to enter. So, he was deeply moved and said, "O Allah, may she be Halah bint Khuwailid!" (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet’s Way of Correcting People’s Mistakes

We live in an age where judging others has become the norm and mocking people for their mistakes has become a huge pastime. While some of us might do it unintentionally, others might fall into this out of ignorance or even arrogance. Calling ourselves the Ummah of Prophet Muhammad   comes with certain responsibilities. One such responsibility is correcting people’s mistakes.

Calling ourselves the Ummah of Prophet Muhammad  comes with certain responsibilities. One such responsibility is correcting people’s mistakes.

Parents, their Rights and Our behaviors towards them

As Muslims, we all believe in our parents’ rights upon us and our obligations to be good to them, obey them and to treat and deal them in the best way as possible. It is not just because they are the cause for our existence. It is also not because they did a great deal of good to us that we must repay and respond to in a proper manner. But it is first and foremost because our Lord, Almighty Allah has made it an obligation upon us to obey them and treat them in a well manner. No doubt, Allah mentions their rights in conjunction with His own right of being worshiped alone without any partner and co-equal. Allah the Exalted has said:

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” (Al-Isra 17:23, 24)

And He (SWT) also said:

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.” (Luqman 31:14)

Advice of Luqman to His Son as an ebook ; Interpreted from the Quran (Surah Luqman) ,

A MUST READ

There are numerous texts of the Quran, which indicate the rights of parents, their obedience and treatment. Similarly, the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) also highlighted their rights in the same way as the Book of Allah has mentioned. It is narrated from Abu Hurairah (RA) that:

“A man came to Allah’s Messenger and said: “O Allah’s Messenger! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Your mother.” The man said: “Who is next?” The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Your mother.” The man further said, “Who is next?” The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Your mother.” The man asked (for the fourth time), “Who is next?” The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Your father.” (Al-Bukhari 5971)

This and other similar Ahadith are explicit on the point that, as regards dutifulness and reverence from the children, the mother gets precedence over the father. The Prophet (PBUH) has specified that the rights of mothers over children are three times more than those of the father. For one thing, the mother represents the weaker sex, and therefore needs more attention and better treatment. Besides, there are three pains that she alone suffers. Fathers can play no part in them. These are:

1. Ordeal of pregnancy.
2. Pangs of birth, a veritable battle between life and death.
3. The period of suckling during which she even has to spend wakeful nights for the sake of the baby.

But the father has also his own preference as it is mentioned in the following narration. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“The father is the middle door of Paradise (i.e., the best way to Paradise), so it is up to you whether you take advantage of it or not.” (Ibn Majah 3663).

If anyone of us seeks to please his Supreme Lord (Allah), let him keep his parents pleased with him, since struggling to secure the happiness and pleasure of one’s parents is a precondition for achieving the pleasure of Allah. By the same token, earning the displeasure of parents means earning the displeasure of Allah, the Glorious. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“The Lord’s pleasure is in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the parent’s anger.” (At-Tirmidhi 1899).

On the other hand the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) forbid us from disobeying them. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“Allah has forbidden you to be undutiful to your mothers (parents).” (Al-Bukhari 5975)

Manners to be observed in their obedience:

After understanding and recognizing their rights, we should fulfil them completely as an act of obedience to our Lord and in fulfillment to His Words. Therefore, it is a duty upon us to fulfil the following manners with due respect to our parents:

• We must obey our parents in everything the order us to do or prohibit us, as long as it is not in disobedience to Allah or in contradiction to the Shariah. There is no obedience to anyone if it is an act of disobedience to the Actual Creator.

This is based on Allah’s statement:

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly,” (Luqman 31:25).

The Prophet (PBUH) also said:

“There is no obedience if it involves disobedience towards Allah; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.” (Muslim 1840).

• We must respect them and honor them in speech, actions and all other affairs. We should be very kind, gracious and generous to them. We should not treat them badly or raise our voice above their voices, nor walk in front of them nor favor our spouse or children over them. We must not call them by their names but, instead, we should call them with respecting and loving words like, “O my father” or “O my mother”. We have to ask their permission and approval while leaving on a journey or going on a travel.
• We must try our best to be as dutiful as possible to them and give them all kinds of obedience and goodness.

Some people believe that by giving some money to their parents they have fulfilled their rights, this is a mistake. If one lives apart from them he has to be in contact with them by correspondence. Inquiring about their well-being, visiting them, spending some time in their company, consulting them in their own matters, trying to make them happy, and the other actions that please them are also compulsory. The above-mentioned matters are the psychological and sentimental requirements of parents, fulfilling them is more important than fulfilling their physical requirements.

A Detail Guide for Muslims about how to deal their parents is presented in the form of an eBook named ‘ Loving Our Parents ‘ , by Darussalam.

How to React When Someone Insults our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

Current events and the actions of a few have thrust Islam and Muslims into the global spotlight again. Freedom of speech and other western values are clashing with Islamic beliefs of respect and submission. So how does one who is faced with the insult of the Prophet (PBUH) react?