Staying Strong Through Hardships

Assalamu alaykum,

My name is Yashar H. Naman. I’m from Kristiansand, Norway. I’m a 27-year-old man.

First of all, I would like to thank you very much for the amazing work you are doing. May Allah bless you and the work you are doing, and strengthen your iman!

I would like to share with you my story.

On 28^th Dec. 2014, I was involved in a swimming accident in Bali, Indonesia. It resulted in me having a fracture in the fifth cervical vertebra.

The fracture also injured the spinal cord with partial paresis in my arms, fingers and complete paralysis of both my legs. This is C5 complete spinal cord injury AIS grade A.

After initial treatment in Bali Indonesia with fixation of the fracture, I was evacuated/transferred to Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore for further follow up before I was transferred back home to Oslo for follow-up.

I was admitted to Sunnaas Rehabilitation hospital in Oslo Norway from Feb. 12 to Nov. 11 of 2015. I received intense occupational and physiotherapy.
I’ve been slowly gaining some more mobility in my upper body. Even though I have a complete injury, I can feel that I can move the inner muscles of my hips, thighs and legs all the way down to my toes.

Currently, I have sensation and movement down to the heart level.

I have right now been discharged to my own adapted apartment in my hometown of Kristiansand in southern Norway.

I studied International Marketing at the BI Norwegian Business School in Oslo Norway and Shanghai China.
I graduated in Shanghai and was recruited by a Swedish cosmetic company in Shanghai.
Prior to the accident, I was working in sales management in Jakarta Indonesia.

It’s insane to experience that one day you can travel around the world, your agenda filled with different things to do and your life is basically a great Hollywood movie, and the next day you lose control over your entire body—you’re not even able to move your body one centimeter without assistance.

Long story short, before the accident, I guess I knew that everything is within Allah’s control, and now I understand that everything is within Allah’s absolute control.

I am very grateful that Allah brought me back from death and gave me an opportunity to get closer to Him before leaving this world.
I can never forget when the wave hit me, something inside the water, apparently an object which was sucked into the water from the beach by the big wave, the object hit me back in my head. I lost control over my body except for my head within milliseconds.
My brain received such a shock that it wasn’t until my last breath went out that I realized I couldn’t swim myself out of the water; I simply couldn’t move except for my head.
That’s when I realized that my time was out, I started thinking… for 25 years, I had a good run.
I immediately started to recite and repeat the shahada (testimony of faith): La Illaha Illa Allah Muhammadun Rasul Allah (There is no deity worthy of worship except the One and Only God Allah, and Muhammad is His Final Messenger)… and I was looking for the angel who would take my soul.

The angel never showed up.  Instead, I was pulled out of the water by my brother who was also inside the water.
When this happened, I was filled with uncertainties. But, I was 100% certain about one thing, which is the visit from the angel who would take my soul. This didn’t happen, and it turned out to be the beginning of a painful chapter in my life.
I lost consciousness shortly after I was pulled out to the beach. I was operated on in Bali to stabilize the bone structure in my neck. Shortly after that, I was evacuated to a hospital in Singapore, after being denied by a hospital in Tokyo and Sydney, because the surgeons were worried that my lungs that were heavily impacted by the injury couldn’t handle the high altitude and flying time to reach Tokyo and Sydney.
After approximately 30 days in Singapore, I was flown back home to a rehabilitation hospital in Oslo.

I was almost depressed for the full year after the accident, but with the help of Allah Almighty and the amount of support I received and still receiving from my family, I would say that -alhamduliAllah (praise to Allah)- I handled the psychological part of the test I am in right now pretty well.

I know that I must have faith in Allah and pray to Him to regain the control over my body, but despite knowing that, from time to time, it can still be really tough to have hope in that better days are coming.

Sitting in a wheelchair and not being able to feel my hands, makes me a really vulnerable target for shaytaan (The Devil, Evil Whisperer).

I would like to ask you if you could please pray for me, and if it’s not too much to ask, may I ask you also to use your channels to ask our brothers and sisters around the world to kindly pray for me to regain control over my body.

And, if there is any known treatment within the Islamic medicine for spinal cord injuries, I would appreciate people sharing with me their help, advice and recommendations on that.

Thank you very much, this means a lot to me!

And I thank you again very much for the wonderful work you guys are doing, may Allah bless you and the work you are doing!

As-salamu alaykum!

Midlife Crisis & Married Muslim Men

His phone blinked with a new message.  She casually glanced over to see if it was a message from their son who needed to be picked up from after school activity.  The message read I love you and I can’t wait to be with you tonight with a trail of hearts and kisses!  What in the world? Tonight?  He told me he has a big meeting.  As her mind raced she could hear her husband humming in the shower as he prepared for his ‘big meeting.’ Her heart pounded like the sound of drums beating when danger is imminent. She picked up his phone to see who the message was from.  She thought that it may be a prank.  Maybe the message was sent to her husband by mistake.  In desperation to keep her sanity and preserve her marriage, she searched for any plausible excuse to justify his action.  Then she saw the name.  It was his co-worker.  His Muslim, married, muhajaba co-worker with 2 kids!  Does she not have any decency?  What about her commitment to Allah?  What about her husband and kids?  This was unbelievable! She ran to his computer and with trembling hands searched for her name.  There in plain sight were dozens of emails exchanged between this woman and her ‘adoring’ husband (only he was adoring the wrong woman).  Each word that she read were like daggers in her heart.  There was flirting, promises and even pictures that were exchanged.  Her heart which was once like an exquisite, dazzling crystal shattered into thousands of pieces.  She felt her marriage was over.  The sound of the humming became closer as her husband walked into the office to ask which tie would make a better impression.  An impression on whom?  The tramp? Her sadness almost instantly transformed into rage.

I know that it sounds like a plot of a soap opera, but unfortunately this story is based on an actual client that I had a few years ago.  I hear stories about Muslim couples on a weekly basis that are involved with infidelity. There is a whole spectrum of inappropriate behavior for married men from flirting at the office or online, going on dates or getting prostitutes.  Yes, you read correctly. Many practicing men seek out prostitution to get sexually fulfilled when married.  Although many feel ashamed from their behavior there are some that actually try to justify and excuse their actions.

Adolescence All Over Again

When men approach the age of 40 or they are in their mid 40’s something very strange happens to them.  They start questioning their looks, vitality, and ability to attract other women.  They wonder if they still have it – it being charm, appeal and good looks. Some men who have lived a chaste life start questioning their choices. They start feeling dissatisfied with their spouse thinking that they could have done much better.  Other times they may love their wife, but they are fascinated with getting the attention of other women. In many ways, a 40 year old regresses to an adolescent with raging hormones that acts impulsively without any regards to the consequences of their behavior. Since they have a new sense of confidence, status, achievement and wealth in their 40’s, they feel that they could attract more intriguing women.

I used to think that midlife crisis was a Western phenomenon.  I thought that as long as a man has a good, strong connection with Allah and a happy marriage then there is no fear of midlife crisis.  If he is aware of the consequences of his actions and he knows what’s right and wrong then how could he fall into such a grave mistake?  I came to realize that not only is it possible to fall into a mistake, but it is also quite common.  Just because someone knows that eating right and exercising is good for them and eating junk food is harmful does not guarantee that they will do what is right & beneficial.  In the same way, people find justifications, loopholes and excuses to fulfill their ever growing lusts & desires.

“Have you seen him who takes his low desires for his god? Are you a guardian over them? Or do you think that most of them hear or understand? They are but as the cattle; nay, they are farther astray from the path.” (Surat Al-Furqan, 25:43–44.)

Different Types of Infidelity

And do not mix the truth with falsehood or conceal the truth while you know [it].Surat Al-Baqarah 2:42

Many times it is the small, “white” lies that lead to very destructive behaviors such as emotional, physical or financial infidelity.

 Emotional– emotional infidelity is when you become emotionally attached to someone of the opposite gender other than your spouse.  This could include texting, chatting, video calls, talking & flirting at work or at school.  When you are investing in a relationship other than your marriage you are introducing a cancer in your relationship.  It will destroy the trust, intimacy and level of commitment when you have someone on the side to confide in.  Now with the advent of social media emotional infidelity has become much more prevalent and it has taken the place of workplace flirting.

Physical – typically infidelity is seen as two people having a physical relationship.  This could range from touching, kissing to having sexual relations. Generally this is harder for most spouses to forgive.  When the relationship is physical it becomes extremely challenging to restore the marriage.  Intimacy and sexual relationship suffers since the spouse who was betrayed will constantly think of the other woman during the act and they become obsessed with the details of the physical interactions.

Financial – this is not the scope of the discussion but I thought it’s important to include it since it is so prevalent and very few people see it as infidelity.  Financial infidelity is when one spouse spends secretly without telling their spouse.  It can really break the trust between a husband and wife when there is secrecy in spending, lying about expenditures and hiding.

Causes of infidelity

Lack of Friendship or Emotional Bond – it’s very common for the person committing the infidelity to feel emotionally detached to their spouse.  They feel underappreciated which leads to resentment and built up frustration.  Most couples live as roommates and lack a friendship with their spouse that causes excessive loneliness in their marriage.  Many times the relationship starts off very innocently.  They begin by sharing about their day, work and family life.  As they lower their guards, they may reveal more and more about their dissatisfaction with their marriage.  Once they have shown a weakness in their relationship, then they become a prey for others seeking companionship.

Lack of Sexual Fulfillment – many people lack sexual fulfillment in their marriage due to inhibition, lack of interest or lack of sexual compatibility.  It is very rare to see couples that have a fulfilling sexual relationship.  Generally this aspect of the relationship is ignored.  Most couples don’t even feel comfortable discussing the subject with their spouse much less asking for ways to be fulfilled.  As this aspect of their marriage is ignored they become more and more likely to pursue another relationship.

Looking for Variety – I have had many men start their conversation in therapy by saying they love their wife, they find her beautiful and they have a good physical intimacy, but they want variety.  They want to know what it would be like to be with other women.  They crave getting attention from the opposite gender and wish they could spice up their life with the thrill of a chase and hidden relationships.

Warning Signs to Lookout for:

• Spouse starts to act or dress differently
• Sudden change in appearance
• Secrecy with phone and all electronic devices
• Hidden passwords
• Different email & FB accounts
• Acting aloof and distant
• Being irritable
• Being secretive about where they go
• Not including you in their work, activities and social life
• Sudden unexpected trips not related to work
• Coming home excessively late on a regular basis
• Acting arrogantly or reminding you how great others think they are
• Uninterested in physical intimacy

The Effects of Infidelity on the Spouse Who Was Cheated on

• Distrust
• Suspicion
• Loneliness
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Suicidal ideation
• Insomnia
• Anger
• Low self-esteem
• Feeling of inadequacy

The Effects of Infidelity on the Unfaithful Spouse

• Guilt
• Withdrawn
• Incongruence between beliefs and actions
• Low self-esteem
• Feeling of neglect
• Feeling isolated
• Impatient
• Frustrated due to the constant reminders
• Ostracized by the family

How to React When You Find Out About the Affair:

I know that the common reaction is yelling & getting angry, but that is not going to get you the results you want. One client I had described how she wanted to rip her husband apart when she found out that he was seeing other women, but I told her that she needs to remain calm, level headed and act wisely. By doing this her husband apologized, felt guilty and took initiative to end the relationships.

Remain calm – if you overreact by screaming you will make him feel rejected. This will make him feel more distant to you and closer to the woman who is making him feel so cherished.

Make Sure You Have Solid Facts and You Are NOT Assuming – if you just have a hunch that he is seeing someone don’t confront him.  Only if you have come across texts or emails that are discriminating.

Address Your Spouse – you need to let them know so they have a chance to explain.  Many times it’s not as bad as you assume and by asking many ambiguities are cleared up.  If it is a full blown affair you can NOT pretend it didn’t happen.  It will destroy you to keep this from your spouse and he will be able to know that there is something wrong.  You need to address this vital issue to save him and your marriage.  Even if it’s an emotional affair you have to let him know that you found out to put an end to it.

Be Mature– I know that it’s tempting to have a tantrum and pout, but you have got to be mature in this crisis.  Being mature means discussing the issue calmly without attacking, criticizing and lashing out.  It means listening to him and trying your best to understand what happened and how he went astray.  Many times I have seen that the man did not intent to have an affair.  Sometimes women are extremely aggressive and they pursue a man they are working with.  There are times that they fall into mistake but quickly reform and repent.

Be a Source of Support – show him that you are there for him and you want to help him.  This is no time to abandon your spouse even though you feel betrayed.  He may have a sex addiction and he is not able to overcome it alone.  Provide him with the necessary tools and comfort.

Keep it Private – do not expose your spouse’s mistake.  Don’t tell your parents or your friends.  You need to protect his reputation regardless of how hurt and angry you feel.  It will be best to speak to a 3^rd party preferably a Muslim therapist that can help you through it without passing judgment on your spouse.

They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them” (Surat Al-Baqara 2:187) 

Allah in His infinite wisdom chose the analogy of a garment to describe your spouse which means that just like the garment protects, covers and safeguards your body you need to protect your spouse from being exposed even if he has fallen into sin.

Is Your Marriage Over?

Not necessarily!  I have seen many marriages survive infidelity but it depends on three important ingredients:

There is Remorse – there are some men who truly feel guilty and ashamed for their adolescent behavior.  If there is genuine remorse and repentance then there is a good chance that they will not make the mistake again. I have seen men who see nothing wrong with pursuing other women and having emotional or even physical affairs.  If they don’t feel remorseful then that means they will have an affair again and again.

They ask for Forgiveness – with the remorse comes a plea to be forgiven.  They would do anything to restore their marriage if you give them a second chance.  Generally if you feel that they are serious about not repeating the act and they feel extremely guilty about their behavior, then forgiving them could the biggest emotional deposit you will ever make.  This act will restore your marriage and keep your family together.  Remember that true forgiveness means not bringing it up in the future and not using it as a whip that you strike him with it every time you get angry.

End all Relationships – If they are willing to end the extramarital relationships then you both can focus on your marriage.  If your spouse refuses to end the relationship or sees nothing wrong with keeping contact with the person

How to Recover from Infidelity

Rebuild Trust

Most people who have suffered from infidelity have told me that it was not so much the act that broke up their marriage, but it was the shameless acts of dishonesty, deception and endless lies that destroyed them.  Once trust is broken in any relationship, then it like a deflated life vest – you can’t rely on it any longer to support you.

1. Complete transparency
   1. Phone & email available to be looked at
   2. Passwords need to be shared
2. Share daily events
3. Complete honesty
   1. No white lies
   2. No partial truths to protect her feelings
   3. No hiding interactions with anyone

4. Spend quality time together
   1. Time together without mentioning the affair
      

      And of His signs, another one is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find comfort with them, and He planted love and kindness in your hearts; surely there are signs in this for those who think about it. (Surat Nur 30:21)

   2. Travel together for a weekend if possible to rekindle the fire
   3. Make time for physical intimacy and try to create more variety by fulfilling each other’s fantasies
5. Seek Marriage counseling – I have helped countless people overcome the infidelity in their marriages alhamdulillah. It doesn’t have to be over!Advice to the BrothersI know that many of you don’t mean to go astray.  You may start off with good intentions of helping a sister in need, but what I’m certain of is that anytime boundaries set by Allah are ignored it’s disastrous.As the number of infidelity cases I had increased, I started researching the topic more.  I was amazed that non-Muslim psychologist were offering concrete ways to avoid falling into infidelity by giving similar guidelines that Islam has established.  Remember that these suggestions are made by non-Muslim Psychologists.
   Here is what they suggested to avoid infidelity:
   1. Avoid friendship with the opposite gender – yes, a non-Muslim suggested this
   2. Don’t give compliments to opposite gender
   3. Don’t spend time alone
   4. Don’t go out together for lunch
   5. Don’t complain about your spouse
   6. Don’t meet and speak regularly
   7. Don’t share personal stories
   Here is what I suggest:
   8. Don’t fall for the damsel in distress syndrome – many women try to lure good, practicing men by making them feel sorry for them because of the oppression, neglect and abuse they have faced in their lives. If a sister is in need connect her to a sister’s committee – don’t take it on yourself to be the savior because usually it will end up with transgressing against Allah or ruining your marriage.
   9. Don’t give dawa to sisters – if someone is interested in Islam then introduce them to the many sisters in the community that are willing and able to give dawa. Many times giving dawa could lead to committing many wrong deeds.
   10. Don’t try to be a therapist for a sister who is having marital problems. Refer them to a female psychologist instead.  I have heard of sisters complaining to their supervisors about not being sexually fulfilled by their husbands and the supervisors actually think they are helping by giving guidelines for sexual fulfillment.  This is wrong on so many levels!
   11. Don’t chat with girls online just for fun. It is very likely that you will feel attracted with one and develop an emotional connection and addiction.  I have seen this happen hundreds of times.  Simply don’t open that door and protect yourself and your family from the traps of the shaytan.
   I pray that by discussing this topic openly more people can prevent infidelity or save their marriages after an affair.

Cleanliness After Sexual Intercourse

Question:
After sex, can we just have some water and wash off ourselves and go for prayers or do we have to have a complete bath? 

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Thank you for your question. Islam is a religion that demands purity and cleanliness in all aspects of life.

After sexual intercourse, one is considered in a state of major impurity. Hence ritual prayer (salah) is only valid after one purifies them by taking a ghusl (Islamic bath).

“O you who believe … If you are in a state of major impurity, cleanse yourselves well (by taking a bath), … or you have had sexual contact with women …” (Qur’an 5:6)

There are three mandatory actions of Ghusl:

1. To rinse the mouth
2. To rinse the nose
3. To wash the entire body

It is important to note that:

• All areas of the body are thoroughly washed with water. The inner part of the circumcised area must also be washed provided it can be opened without any difficulty.

• The inner part of the navel is washed.

• The inside of a cavity which has not sealed is washed.

• The braids of a man’s hair are untied, even if water reaches the hair’s roots. A female is exempt from undoing her braids as long as the water reaches her hair’s roots. If a woman’s hair is so compact that it prevents the water from penetrating the roots then it is obligatory to open her braids.

• Water reaches the skin underneath the beard, moustache and eyebrows.

• To ensure that water reaches the external part of the vagina.

Ali (RA) stated, “The one who leaves out the area of a hair’s span of filth from ritual impurity, without washing it, will be dealt with severely in the hellfire” (Sunan Abu Dawud)

Ibn Abbas (RA) said, “When a person with ritual impurity takes a bath and forgets to rinse his mouth and nose, he should redo the cleaning of the mouth and nose.” (al-Daraqutni)

And Allah knows best.

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Badat
Hadith of the Day Imam
Imam of the Islamic Foundation of Toronto and Director of Mathabah Institute

Marital problems among Muslims in the world are of increasing concern.

Issues like divorce and domestic violence are taking their toll on Muslim families throughout the muslim ummah.Yet it seems our so called lovers prefer Pre-wedding shoots, MakeUp kits, Latest Wedding Style, Most Beautiful Cake, big wedding, Nice car, Rihanna - Shaped ladies and Denzel looking Muslims.

During a conference on counseling the speaker told a joke that seem to sum up why some people avoid going to counselors It said a husband and wife standing in front of two doors. One door had a sign that read, “Divorce Lawyer – $200 per hour.” On the other door the sign read, “Marriage Counselor – $250 per hour.” The husband was saying to the wife, “Let’s go to the divorce lawyer — it’s cheaper.” Also I don’t need counseling I know what I want.

My sister if any brother tells you that .Run . Pick Race. A lot of us dont know what we want.

Recent study conducted by Research scholars from George Masson University clearly shows the benefit of pre-marital counseling. Couples who took part in that survey over whelmingly stated that that counseling conducted by an experienced counselor helped them understand the challenges of marriage and helped them how to cope with difficult situations.

The first recorded counseling among Muslims was when Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) came to his wife Khadeeja worried, confused and unsure of what transpired after he received the first revelation. Khadeeja (Radi Allah Anha) counseled him by 1. Comforting him with providing warmth and love, 2) reassured him that he has always been kind and sane and 3) provided expert opinion on the situation he was facing

Why people avoid Marriage Counseling?
So what is marriage counseling and why do so many people try to avoid it? Let us tackle the first part of the question and then deal with the difficult part of why not later.
Prophet Mohammad used to provide counseling on marital issues on a regular basis to couples. The most famous one was between his daughter Fatima and Ali (May Allah be pleased with both of them). Today less than 6% of the over 2 million divorcing couples each year seek marriage counseling in America. Among Muslims it is even less. This may be due to the stigma attached with the counseling. In many cultures asking for help may be considered as a sign of weakness especially for men. They don’t want to sit in front of an imam or counselor and admit to their faults, especially being verbally or physically violent to their spouse and loved ones.

The myth among couples surveyed is that marriage counseling will be a dreadful experience in which you open up your dirty laundry in front of a stranger or worst in front of someone they know who will sit and then lecture you on your short comings and wrongful actions. People feel embarrassed to discuss personal and private things with a stranger. Majority of couples feel that they can “fix the issues themselves” or it is their problem and not to discuss with others. Family and marriage counseling conducted by a professional is actually not a dreadful experience that many think rather they use techniques and case studies that is expected to bring self motivated change in the couples environment, activities and behavior.
As far as feeling embarrassed goes, while that may be true at the very beginning, a professional and skilled counselor can usually encourage a feeling of warmth, confidence and security fairly quickly. I’m sure lots of you know other reasons couples won’t go to counseling. If you do, I’d love to hear them.

Jazak Allahu Khayr . Compiled by NerdyMuslim

COMPREHENSIVE DETAILS ON HOW TO COMPLETE THE MISSED RAKAT(S) OF SALAT

Here are examples on how to complete the missed rakat(s) of each salat (5 daily salat)
1. *SALATUL FAJR*
If you miss the first
rakat and join Imam from the second rakat, that second rakat of Imam is your first rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up, observe your second rakat as you normally observe second rakat of salatul fajr (Al fatiha + other Surah loudly, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting,tashahud and tesleem).
2. *SALATU ZUHUR*
If you miss the….
FIRST RAKAT
It means that you caught up 3 rakats with Imam. The 3 rakats you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat, second rakat and third rakat, remaining only fourth rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your fourth rakat as you normally observe fourth rakah of salatul Zuhur (Al fatiha only, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashaud and tesleem).
FIRST AND SECOND RAKATS
It means that you caught up 2 rakats with Imam. The 2 rakats you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat and second rakat remaining third and fourth rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your third rakat as you normally observe third rakah of salatul Zuhur(Al fatiha only, ruku’.., sujuud.., and stand up for fourth rakat. You will observe fourth rakat as you normally observe fourth rakah of salatul Zuhur(Al fatiha only, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and tesleem).
FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD RAKATS
It means you caught 1 rakat with Imam. The 1 rakat you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat remaining second, third and fourth rakats. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your second rakat as you normally observe second rakah of salatul Zuhur (Al fatiha + other surah silently, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and stand up for third rakat). Observe the third rakat as you normally observe third rakah of salatul Zuhur (Al fatiha only, ruku’.., sujuud.., and stand up for fourth rakat. You will observe fourth rakat as you normally observe fourth rakah of salatul Zuhur(Al fatiha only, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and tesleem).
3. *SALATUL ASR.*
Same conditions as Zuhur
4. *SALATUL MAGRIB*.
If you miss the….
FIRST RAKAT
It means that you caught up 2 rakats with Imam. The 2 rakats you caught up with Imam is therefore your first and second rakat remaining only third rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your third rakat as you normally observe the third rakat of salatul magrib(Al fatiha silently, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashaud and tesleem).
FIRST AND SECOND RAKATS
It means that you caught up 1 rakat with Imam. The 1 rakat you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat remaining second and third rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up, observe your second rakat as you normally observe second rakat of salatul Magrib (Al fatiha + Surah loudly, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and stand up for the third rakat. You will observe third rakat as you normally observe third rakat of salatul Magrib (Al fatiha only & silently, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and tesleem).
5. *SALATUL ISHA*
If you miss the….
FIRST RAKAT
It means that you caught up 3 rakats with Imam. The 3 rakats you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat, second rakat and third rakat, remaining only fourth rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your fourth rakat as you normally observe the fourth rakah of salatul‘Ishai (Al fatiha only & silently, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and tesleem).
FIRST AND SECOND RAKATS
It means that you caught up 2 rakats with Imam. The 2 rakats you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat and second rakat remaining third and fourth rakat. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your third rakat as you normally observe third rakah of salatul ‘Ishai(Al fatiha only silently, ruku’.., sujuud.., and stand up for the fourth rakat. You will observe the fourth rakat as you normally observe fourth rakat of salatul Ishai (Al fatiha only & silently, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting,tashahud and tesleem).
FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD RAKATS
It means you caught 1 rakat with Imam. The 1 rakat you caught up with Imam is therefore your first rakat remaining second, third and fourth rakats. After Tesleem of Imam you will stand up observe your second rakat as you normally observe second rakah of salatul ‘Ishai (Al fatiha + other surah loudly, ruku’.., sujuud.., sitting, tashahud and stand up for the third rakat). Observe the third rakat as you normally observe third rakah of salatul ‘Ishai(Al fatiha only, ruku’.., sujuud.., and stand up for the fourth rakat. You will observe fourth rakat as you normally observe fourth rakah of salatul ‘Ishai(Al fatiha only & silently, ruku’..., sujud.., sitting, tashaud and tesleem).
Allah knows best!

The Manners of Welcoming the New-Born Child in Islâm

By Abu Rumaysah

Children are a source of delight and an adornment for the world granted by Allâh to their parents, they give vigour to the hearts, joy to the souls, pleasure to the eyes. They are the fruit from whom good is to be hoped for when they frequently supplicate:

 “Our Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small”

and they are the ones in every nation upon whom hope for the future lies, and they are the youth of tomorrow upon whose shoulders the call to Islâm is carried. Indeed Islâm has indeed elevated the status of children and has laid down manners for their treatment relating to all their affairs and each stage of their and from these are the manners for welcoming their arrival in this life.

Our Prophet ‎ﷺ was a living example, educating, cultivating the Muslims upon the practices of Islâm, teaching them how to worship their Lord in the best of ways. But a number of Muslims have strayed from his pure teachings and have substituted that which is gold for that which worthless.

So here are the manners the Prophet ﷺ taught us with regards our new-born.

Encouragement to have Children

Allâh says, “So now have sexual relations with them,, and seek that which Allâh has ordained for you.” And the Prophet ‎ﷺ said, “Marry the loving and fertile because through you, I will compete with the nations for superiority in numbers”(Abu Dawûd)
And it is important that the Parents bring up their children upon righteousness, so that the Parents will benefit from them during their lives and after their death. Allâh ‘s Messenger ‎ﷺ said, “A servant will have his rank raised and will say, ‘O my Lord how has this come about for me?’ He says, ‘through your sons after you seeking forgiveness for you'”(ibn Maajah)
Know that what has preceded applies equally to both boys and girls, and indeed Islâm has encouraged the bringing up of girls, and Allâh condemns those that are distressed at the birth of a girl, and the Messenger ‎ﷺ came elevating the status of this gift from Allâh ,

 “ “whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood – he and I will come together on the Day of Resurrection (like this) – and he interlaced his two fingers”(Muslim)

Meaning in Paradise. So can their be a greater honour given to daughters?!

Giving the good news of the Birth

The near of kin who are anxiously waiting should be informed so that they can stop worrying and congratulate the parents and supplicate for the baby. Allâh mentions this good news being conveyed to a number of His Prophets, from them Zakariyyah of his son Yahya,

 “Then the angels called him, while he was standing in prayer in a private room (saying), ‘Allâh gives you glad tidings of Yahya'”

Giving the Adhân in the ear of the newborn

The first practice to do is to make the adhâh in the ear of the baby, so that the first words that the baby hears is the name of Allâh , and the kalima.

It is to be given straight after the birth, or very soon afterwards as he ﷺ did with his grandson al-Husayn, as is related by Abu Raafi’ who said,

 “ “I saw the Prophet ‎ﷺ give the adhâh for prayer in the ear of al-Husayn ibn Alî when his mother Fâtimah gave birth to him,” (Tirmidhî)

It should be given with it’s usual wording in a voice which is audible to the baby, not so loudly that it risks harm to the baby or alarms it.

Only the adhân is to be given, not the iqâmah as well as there is no authentic evidence to support this. Giving the adhaan only is also the reported practice of the Khalî fah Umar bin Abdul Azîz. This is closer to the sunnah, and Allâh knows best.

The sunnah has not specified as to which ear it should be given, however the Messenger ‎ﷺ used to love to do good actions starting from the right, so it would be more appropriate to give the adhân in the right ear.

The Tahnîk

This means to softening a date and then rubbing the palate of the new-born with it just after the birth or soon after. This is done by putting a piece of the softened date on the finger and rubbing it from left to right in the mouth of the baby.

 Ibn Hajr said, “if one is not able to find a dry date, then a fresh date should be used, and if that is not available then anything sweet.” (Fath 9/588

It is not essential to chew the date rather it may be softened in any way. The action of chewing as reported in the sunnah was something specific to the Messenger ‎ﷺ due to the blessings that Allâh had placed in his saliva.
It is done by the father or the mother or anyone from the People of Knowledge whose supplication is hoped would be accepted. So he should perform tahnîk and supplicate for the child as was the practice of the Companions.

Imaam Nawawî says,” scholars are agreed upon the recommendation of performing tahnîk upon the baby after it’s birth.”(Sharh Sahî h Muslim 4/122)

Aaishah (ra) reports, “ new-born children used to be brought to the Messenger of Allâh ‎ﷺ and he would supplicate for blessings for them, and rub a chewed date upon their palate.” (Muslim)

Naming the child

The baby may be named on the day of it’s birth or later on the seventh day or past the seventh day, as this is what is clear after study of all the evidences from the sunnah.

It is the father or the mother who chose the name for the baby. If they differ amongst themselves then it is the father who has the choice, he may name it himself or give his wife the right to choose. The fact that this is the right of the father is shown by the principle that the child is ascribed and attributed to the father, as Allâh says,

 “Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just in the Sight of Allâh ”

It is also allowed for the parents to allow others to name the child, since our Prophet ‎ﷺ used to name some of the children of his Companions.

The name should carry a good and praiseworthy meaning as the Messenger ‎ﷺ said,

 “ “On the Day of Resurrection, you will be called by your names and your fathers names, so make your names good.” (Abu Dawûd)

It is recommended to call oneself a servant of Allâh (Abdullâh) or the servant of any of the names of Allâh . Then it is recommended to name a child after a prophet, due to the hadîth,

 “ “call yourselves by the names of the Prophets” (Abu Dawûd)

and the hadîth,

 “ “a son was born to me this night and I called him after my forefather Ibraahîm” (Muslim)

Then it is recommended to name the child after any pious person in the hope that it will become like him/her. Then it is recommended to name by any name which has good meaning.

It is forbidden to name a child with a name that denote servitude to other than Allâh , for example Abd an-Nabi, Abd ar-Rasûl etc.

The names of tyrants and evil personalities should be avoided such as Fir’awn, Qarûn, Abu Lahab etc.. Likewise it is disliked to name with the names of the Surahs of the Qur’aan like ‘Taa Haa’ or ‘Yaa Sîn’ as is reported from Imaam Maalik and others. There is no authentic hadîth which ascribes the above two as being names of the Prophet ‎ﷺ.

The Aqîqah

After the seventh day of the arrival of the new-born, as a form of welcome for it and to give thanks to the One who gave the blessings, it is prescribed to slaughter a sheep. The Messenger ‎ﷺ said,

 “ “Every child is in pledge for it’s Aqî qah which is sacrificed for it on its seventh day, and it is named on it, and its head is shaved” (Abu Dawûd)

If the new-born is a boy then two sheep are to be sacrificed, and if it is a girl then one sheep. This is the position of the majority of the scholars and Companions. The Prophet ﷺ said,

 “ “for the boy two equal sheep, and for the girl, a single sheep.” (Ibn Mâjah)

So it is permissible to sacrifice the male or female sheep or goat, and this is best. As for sacrificing other animals then the scholars have differed over this.

The sacrifice should be done by the father or a close relative, for our Prophet ‎ﷺ performed the Aqîqah for his two grandsons. It is also obligatory to mention the name of Allâh over it while sacrificing, and if a close relative is performing the Aqîqah then he should add, ‘this aqîqah is the Aqîqah of so and so’ mentioning the name of the person on whose behalf he is performing the aqîqah, as is reported in the hadî th related by al-Bayhaqî.

The meat of the sacrifice may be distributed cooked or uncooked,, but it is preferred that it should be cooked as this leads to greater blessing as mentioned by a group of the scholars.

Shaving the baby’s head

On the seventh day after the birth the head of the baby should be shaved. So when al-Hasan was born the Prophet ﷺ told his daughter, Faatima (RA),

 “ “shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver to the poor” (Ahmad)

The right side of the head should be shaved first, then the left as mentioned in the hadîth,

 “ “shave, and he indicated to the right side of his head, and then the left” (Muslim)

It is not permissible to shave a part of the head and leave a part, as this was prohibited by the Messenger ‎ﷺ as reported by al-Bukhârî. The strongest view seems to be that the head of the boy or the girl should be shaved, as is reported that Faatimah weighed the hair of her daughter (Muwatta) but the scholars differ on this, and Allâh knows best.

The shaving should be done after the sacrifice, and our pious predecessors liked to rub some perfume over the baby’s head after the shaving.

Then it is prescribed to give the value of the baby’s weight of hair in silver in charity, and it is recommended to give this charity on the seventh day also, but it is not necessary to do so, and may be delayed.

Circumcision

It is prescribed that the boy be circumcised, it is recommended that the circumcision take place on the seventh day, but it is obligatory to circumcise before the boy reaches puberty.

Source
http://www.islaam.net/muslim-society/children/the-manners-of-welcoming-the-new-born-child-in-islam/

Beware of Backbiting and Gossiping

By Ali Abd-ur-Rahman al-Hudhaifi

All praise is due to Allah. May peace and blessings be upon the Prophet, his household and companions.

Fellow Muslims!

 “Fear Allah and obey Him. Be afraid of the Day when you shall be brought back to Allah. Then every person shall be paid what he earned; and they shall not be dealt with unjustly” (Al-Baqarah 2: 281)

Brothers in Faith! Major sins are indeed the cause for all misery, evil and torment in this world and the hereafter. And the worst of all sins are those that are greatest in harm and danger. Among the destructive major sins are backbiting and slandering. These two sins were forbidden by Allah through His Prophet because they sow enmity, evils and discord among people and lead to destruction. They make their perpetrator regret when regret will be of no avail. They cause hostilities between people of the same household and between neighbours and relatives. They can decrease in good deeds and increase in evil ones and lead to dishonour and ignominy.

Backbiting and slandering are shame and disgrace. Their perpetrator is detested and he shall not have a noble death. Allah forbids these acts in His Book when He says,

 “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful” (Al-Hujuraat 49: 12)

This verse strongly forbids backbiting for Allah likens the backbiter to one who eats the flesh of his dead brother. If he would hate eating the flesh of his brother, he should also hate to eat his flesh while he is alive by backbiting and slandering him.

When one reflects deeply over this assimilation it will be enough to keep one away from backbiting.

Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said,

 “ “Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He then said, “It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike.” Someone asked him, “But what if what I say is true?” The Messenger of Allah said, “If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him.” (Muslim)

Abu Bakr narrated that the Prophet said in Mina on the day of slaughtering (10th day of Dhul-Hijjah),

 “ “Verily, your blood, property and honour have become sacred to one another as the sacredness of this day of yours in this month of yours and in this city of yours. Indeed, have I conveyed the Message?” (Al-Bukharee and Muslim)

Therefore, guard your tongue, fellow Muslims, from this debasing sin, for whoever guards his tongue from sins and uses his limbs in acts of obedience to Allah has prospered. Sahl ibn Subhan Allah’d narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,

 “ “Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse, I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise.” (Bukharee and Muslim)

Abu Moosa Al-Ash’aree said,

 “ I asked the Messenger of Allah: Who is the best Muslim? The Messenger of Allah replied, “He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongue and hands.” (Muslim)

Dear Muslims! Beware of slipping of your tongues and do not give it free hand to wreak havoc on you. For free tongue destroys its owner and causes him calamities and evils.

Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudree narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,

 “ “When man wakes up in the morning each day, all parts of the body warn the tongue saying, ‘Fear Allah as regards us for we are at your mercy; if you are upright, we will be upright and if you are crooked, we become crooked.’” (At-Tirmidhee)

Mu’aadh ibn Jabal said,

 “ “I said: O Messenger of Allah tell me of a deed that will make me enter Paradise and keep me away from the Fire. The Prophet said, ‘You have asked of a great matter but it is easy for whosoever Allah makes it easy. You should worship Allah without associating anything with Him, perform Salaah, pay Zakaah (charity), fast during the month of Ramadaan and perform pilgrimage if you are able to.’ He said further, ‘Should I show you the gateways to good? Fasting is a shield (from evils), charity extinguishes sins as water extinguishes fire and praying in the middle of the night.’ He then recited this verse, ‘Their sides forsake their beds to invoke their Lord in fear and hope and they spend (charity in Allah’s cause) out of what We have bestowed them. No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do.’ (As-Sajdah 32: 16-17) The Messenger of Allah then said, ‘Should I tell you the head of the matter, its pillar and its peak?’ I said: Yes O Messenger of Allah. He then said, ‘The head of the matter is Islam, its pillar is Salaah (prayer) and its peak is Jihaad in the way of Allah.’ He then asked, ‘Should I tell you of the foundation of all that?’ I said: Yes O Messenger of Allah. He then took hold of his tongue and said, ‘Hold back this.’ I said: O Messenger of Allah, are we going to be held responsible for what we utter? He said, ‘May your mother be bereaved of you^[1] does anything cast people into the Fire on their faces except what their tongues have uttered?’” (At-Tirmdhee)

Anas narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,

 “ “When I was ascended to heaven, I passed by a people who had copper nails with which they scratched their faces and chests, and I said, ‘O Jibreel, who are these?’ He said, ‘These are those who used to eat other people’s flesh and attack their honour.’” (Abu Dawood)

Therefore do not treat the issue of backbiting with indifference because it is a great sin. Allah says,

 You considered it a little thing, while with Allah it was very great.”(An-Noor 24: 15)

Abu Bakr used to take hold of his tongue and say this is that which caused me destruction. He said this as a sign of humbleness.

Backbiting is so widespread that it has become the topic of people’s meetings and an avenue for expressing their anger, misgivings and jealousy with those who indulge in backbiting believing that they are hiding their own imperfections and harming others. They are oblivious of the fact that they are only harming themselves. This is because the backbiter if the wrongdoer and his victim is the wronged and on the Day of Resurrection both the wrongdoer and the wronged will stand before Allah Who is the Just Judge and the wronged will appeal to Allah to avenge the wrong done to him, Allah will then give this wronged person from the good deeds of the person who wronged him in accordance with his wrong by backbiting his brother on a Day that no father will give his son any of his good deeds nor a friend to his friend. All will be saying, ‘Myself, myself.’

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

 “ “Usury has seventy something kinds, the smallest of which is for a man to have intercourse with his mother and the highest act of usury is for a Muslim to attack the honour of his Muslim brother.” He also said, “Whoever protects the honour of his brother, Allah will protect him from Hellfire on the Day of Resurrection.” (At-Tirmidhee)

So prevent the backbiter of affronting the honour of Muslims. Allah says,

 “O you who believe, keep your duty to Allah and fear Him and speak (always) the truth.” (Al-Ahzaab 33: 70)

Fellow Muslims! Fear Allah for whoever fears Allah, He protects him from torment and doubles reward for him. Allah says,

 “And indeed We have created man and We know what his own self whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (by Our knowledge). (Remember) that the two receivers (recording angels) receive (each human being after he or she has attained the age of puberty), one sitting on the right and one on the left (to note his or her actions). Not a word does he or she utter, but there is a watcher by him (ready to record it.” (Qaaf 50: 16-18)

Brothers in Islam, gossiping about others is also another vicious type of backbiting. It means carrying tales from one people to another with the intention of sowing dissention among them. Allah condemned this deed when He said,

 “And obey not everyone who swears much, and is considered worthless. A slanderer going about with calumnies.” (Al-Qalam 68: 10-11)

The Prophet said,

 “ “The gossiper will not enter Paradise.”

Fear Allah therefore, dear brothers, and call yourselves to account before you are called to account and weigh your own deeds before they are weighed for you.

Be aware also dear Muslims, that the Ulamaa have explained that it is allowed for the wronged to inform the authorities of the wrong done to him as it is allowed for the person who sees vice to inform those who are capable of removing it and prevent its perpetrator from committing further vice. It is also allowed for the one seeking for religious decision to mention the wrong done to him to the knowledgeable man from whom he is seeking a decision in order to make things clear for him. It is also permissible for you to tell whoever seeks your advice on a person of something about him. It is not allowed for you to hide what you know about him so that he will not be deceived. All these types of speaking about others are lawful.

Footnote

[1] This statement is used by the Arabs to rebuke someone, and its literal meaning is not meant.

Jumaadath-Thaaniyah 5, 1422 (August 24, 2001)